Comedy and Paint

A couple nights ago, my boyfriend (whom I shall refer to as Boyfriend) put some Dane Cook and Mitch Hedberg on my iPod touch. I started listening to comedians at around 5:00 this afternoon. It is now about 9:00 at night and I've listened to two hours (-/+) of Dane Cook and I'm almost done with Mitch Hedberg's first CD. 

"...a severed foot is the ultimate stocking-stuffer..." -Mitch Hedberg

This is me after 4 hours of comedy. I'm starting to wonder if I need some sort of help because there is no way at all that this amount of comedy is healthy for anyone. 

Oh yeah. Yes, I drew that myself. I was reading one of the blogs that I follow (called Hyperbole and a Half, which you can go to if you click here) and I got the idea to start illustrating my blogs. But I had a dilemma. 

There was no Windows Paint for Mac. 

Yeah. This was a big problem for several reasons:

1.) even though I have Windows on my Mac, I don't like Windows.

2.) in fact, I hate Windows.

3.) but I'm torn because all my favorite computer games (Nancy Drew) are for Windows.

4.) other than that, I hate Windows.

5.) it's evil. 

6.) BUT the main reason is that there really is no other program that compares to Paint.

So I GOOGLE'D it. And I found it. And I am happy. 

This is me. Well, this is my self-portrait of myself. I have no arms and I have no legs and I have no ears and I have no nose. And I have no hair. BUT I do have a hat. My hat. My glorious wonderful hat that I love so much. Why do I love this hat so much? 

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING WITH MY HAIR UNTIL FEBRUARY! HA!

Yes, I am insanely proud of myself. 

Wait...

If I don't have any ears...then where are the iPod cords coming from in the first picture?!

I have no clue. And I have hair in this one. And color. 

BUT I STILL HAVE MY HAT! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

I've been playing Words With Friends with Boyfriend and he's beating me. Severely. 222 to 67. I'm the 67. 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Chicken Thumbs and Chia Pets

THIS WAS AN ASSIGNMENT/JOURNAL ENTRY FOR MY COMM I CLASS. THIS DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN BUT IF IT DID, I WOULD BE VERY VERY PROUD OF MYSELF.

So basically when I woke up this morning, I saw that I had managed to park my car mostly on top of someone else's car. Rather confused but also insanely proud, I began asking my buddies (whom I had been out with last night) about what had happened. This is what they told me:

I was doing pretty good, playing pool at the bar with them when a dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget walked in and gave me a turtleneck sweater. I said, "Thanks, it'll go great with my backpack," and proceeded to pull a backpack out of my pocket.

Then the dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget turned into a dinosaur-shaped chicken finger and I engaged it in a conversation about chicken thumbs and how they really must be accumulating somewhere because everyone always orders chicken fingers and no chicken thumbs. The dinosaur-shaped chicken finger Gibbs-slapped me and moon walked out of the bar.

Upon leaving the bar, I bumped into a ninja who gave me a Chia pet. He told me that he had been wandering this earth for quite some time looking for someone he could give the Chia pet to but every time he tried to give it away, the person would go on as if the ninja was invisible. I was the first person to actually bump into a ninja

I put the on the turtleneck and I put the Chia pet in the backpack, putting the backpack on.

While walking to my car, I decided that wearing a turtleneck and a backpack was like being strangled by a really weak guy so I loosened the backpack straps. After almost falling several times on the slippery ice, I got in my car just as a wombat on a toboggan zoomed past. When I got home, I realized someone had painted my house a horrid yellow and blue. 

I was so enraged that I quickly jumped out of the car, tackled the nearest train, and jumped back inside all within 5 seconds.

I've always been bad at parallel parking but didn't think it strange when the end result was my car leaning forward. When I opened the door, I fell out. I didn't think my car was that tall. And now it's morning and I'm even prouder than before now that I know the events that led up to my car being parked on top of my neighbor's car. My house is still that nasty color scheme and I have a horrible headache.  And I have a turtleneck that smells like chicken nuggets. Oh and I have a Chia pet that I have to take care of. 

FOOSH ALOT

THIS WAS AN ASSIGNMENT/JOURNAL ENTRY FOR MY COMM I CLASS. THIS DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN BUT IF IT DID, MY LIFE WOULD BE COMPLETE.

So I was driving down the road and I got a flat tire, which caused me to have to pull over and stop. Knowing that if I am late to work, my boss will not be very happy with me, I dig my phone out of my pocket and get out of the car. As I'm getting out of the car, I step on a banana peel and slip, falling on [my] out-stretched hand. I hear Mario and Luigi laughing in the distance. 

Seeing as I just FOOSH'd, I come to the conclusion that the pain in my arm is most likely a fracture. With my other hand, I try to call my boss. The annoying secretary answers. She hates me because I put a rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink so that when she went to put water in the coffeepot, it sprayed all over her. She hangs up on me. I call again, this time pretending to be a potential client hoping to speak with the boss. The witch bought it. I explained my situation to my boss as a gaggle of flying fish 

pass by me and he asks if I'm high. I respond with a no and ask why he was asking me that and he said that today was my day off and that a really hip apotamus just walked in the door so he had to go. A lethally poisonous yellow-spotted lizard 

(from the book Holes) licks my fractured arm and it feels better. Alot meanders by and eats my car, regurgitating it moments later with all four tires perfectly fine. I get back behind the wheel only to discover that the steering wheel has been replaced by a donut. When I get home, my hands are sticky from the donut and my cat climbs up my leg. I then realize that I don't even have a job. I look around and wonder what that sickly sweet smell is as I wander around the house with sticky hands and a cat attached to my leg.  

Is There a Zombie Apocalypse?

Here are some of the things I frequently enjoy doing:

Not going to the dentist.

Cleaning out my fridge.

Washing the windows.

Cleaning under my bed.

Reading the entire works of Proust.

Arranging my food alphabetically.

Conducting a scientific study of polymer synthesis and its affects on the world.

Arranging my envelopes according to size.

Counting how many sheets of paper I have in my possession.

Making sure that all of my socks have partners (even though they don't always match).

Documenting my pocket lint.

Calling my mom back.

Learning to speak a new language.

Recording myself sleeping.

Moving my furniture around to simulate a bus station.

Experimenting with new methods of sitting that I've never tried before.

Jogging on the spot for an hour.

Pretending that I'm a secret agent.

Decorating the inside of my fridge.

Drawing a fake door on my wall with chalk.

Conversing with my animal neighbors.

Writing a speech for a future award.

Walking to the corner store as slowly as possible.

Writing a positive feedback letter to my mail delivery person.

Putting a secret note into a library book.

Practicing finger stretching exercises.

Dressing up as my favorite author.

Smelling the inside of my nose.

Memorizing "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White.

Sitting on my front porch with a sign that says "Honk if you love birds".

Documenting the plants in my life on paper.

Smelling books.

Sleeping.

Pretending to be a famous astronaut.

Oh and just for the heck of it...

Are you worried about the zombie uprising? Do you need some closure? Then click here and decide for yourself.

deviantART

Guess what?
I can has deviantART?
YESH.
^^
Click here to go to my deviantART profile.
:)))

Until next time,

K.H.P.

SpazAttacks/SexualHarassment

Hey everyone!! Check out my newest spaz attack videos by clicking HERE !!!
You should definitely do it.
Cos if you don't.
I'll hit you in the head with a banana.
^_^

OH and as for a random picture for today...

Here's some of my college's rules.
Don't call me:
Dear
Darling
or
Sweetheart.

They might getcha for sexual harassment.

What I Learned in College

So I figured that I would keep track of everything that I've learned thus far at Oklahoma Christian, so that later on, I can look back and remember things that I hope I don't forget. (: 

1. Don't draw in the library.

2. Actually, drawing IN the library is fine.

3. Drawing THE library...bad idea...

 4. Frikkin detail...

5. Spaz attacks happen at least 3 times a week, if not daily.

6. Sidewalk chalk is amazing.

7. So are friends (*cough* CHRIS *cough*) who secretly film you freaking out over sidewalk chalk.

8. ...or a phone...

9. ...or your explanation AND demonstration of the spinjump.

I'm sure there will be more posts like this, so stay tuned.

But until then...

SHNARKENBLARKEN!!!