Something Wrong With Me

I don't really know how to introduce the topic for today's post; so I'm just gonna dive right into it.

When I was three years old, I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). 

"ADHD is also known as hyperactivity or attention deficit disorder (ADD). ADHD is a common condition that affects children and adolescents, while ADD is more common in adults."

Alright. I am nineteen years old and am a "legal adult" but I still have ADHD. I am still annoyingly hyper.

"Adults with ADHD may have difficulty with time management, organizational skills, goal setting, and employment. They may also have problems with relationships, self-esteem, and addictions."

WedMD goes on to list symptoms, which include:

• Chronic lateness and forgetfulness - Actually, I am a freak about being on time, early even, to classes and such.
• Anxiety - Check.
• Low self-esteem - Check.
• Employment problems - The whole being-on-time thing has actually prevented me having any employment problems.
• Difficulty controlling anger - Check.
• Impulsiveness - CHECK. I once sat in a baptismal just to do it.
• Procrastination - Check. I'm an artist. More like trying to pull of being an artist. But that's my excuse for that.
• Low frustration tolerance - Good Lord...Check.
• Chronic boredom - Seeing as I can entertain myself (or if I cannot, I fall asleep), I don't deal with this one as much.
• Difficulty concentrating when reading - When I was little, I read anything and everything I could get my hands on.
• Mood swings  -  ...check...
• Depression - Check. If happy pills had smiley faces on them, the world would be a much better place.
• Relationship problems - sigh Check.

Take another look over that list. I know I have problems with nine of the above symptoms. That's nine out of twelve. That's 75%. I've been medicated for this since I was three. I am so sick of relying on medication that I kind of find it insanely hilarious when someone complains about having to take vitamins.

IT'S A VITAMIN! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE PILLS, GET THE CHEWABLES OR THE GUMMIES!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE IS GOOD AND DECENT, DO NOT COMPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A VITAMIN (IF YOU REMEMBER TO TAKE IT!!!).  BE HAPPY YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU MEDICATE YOURSELF, KNOWING THAT THE MEDS ARE THE ONLY THING CONTROLLING YOU!

If you haven't noticed, I can get a little defensive about the whole medication thing.

And if you're just like, "Psh. ADHD. So what? Lotsa people have it." Here's the thing. That's not ALL that's wrong with me.

Time to introduce Asperger's Syndrome.

"Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder that makes it very hard to interact with other people. Your child may find it hard to make friends because he or she is socially awkward.

"People with Asperger's syndrome have some traits of autism. For example, they may have poor social skills, prefer routine, and not like change. But unlike those who have autism, children with Asperger's syndrome usually start to talk before 2 years of age, when speech normally starts to develop.

"Asperger’s syndrome is a lifelong condition, but symptoms tend to improve over time. Adults with this condition can learn to understand their own strengths and weaknesses. And they can improve their social skills.

"Both Asperger's syndrome and autism belong to the group of disorders called pervasive developmental disorders. Asperger's syndrome is rare. About 3 out of 10,000 people have it."

I can see you sitting there, eyebrows furrowed trying to figure out what the heck all that means. Well, seeing as this is a blog on the internet and that I am not physically in front of you speaking, I cannot write it out for you in crayon. But I will do my best and use a pretty color.

I am socially awkward.

I am an awkward situation.

I am a living, breathing awkward moment.

I have to live with this for the rest of my life.

AND

While ADHD may be considered common nowadays, Asperger's Syndrome is NOT.

According to WebMD, here's what I may or may not do:

1. I have a very hard time relating to others. It doesn't mean that I avoid social contact. But I lack instincts and skills to help me express my thoughts and feelings and notice others' feelings.
2. I like fixed routines. Change is hard for me.
3. I may not recognize verbal and nonverbal cues or understand social norms. For example, I may stare at others, not make eye contacts, or not know what personal space means.
4. I may have speech that's flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent. Or I may have a formal style of speaking that's advanced for my age.
5. I may lack coordination; I may have unusually facial expressions, body postures, and gestures; or I may be somewhat clumsy.
6. I may have poor handwriting or have trouble with other motor skills, such as riding a bike.
7. I may have only one or a few interests, or I may focus intensely on a few things. For instance, I may show an unusual interest in snakes or star names or may draw very detailed pictures.
8. I may be bothered by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures.

And now I would like to make a comment or two. About the interests, when I was about six, if you ever (EVER) had a question concerning the RMS Titanic or volcanoes, I was your girl. And another thing, this time regarding the verbal and non-verbal cues: This is probably why I never really had any friends growing up.

Wanna know something strange?

I shouldn't be able to function as well as I do. I am a full-time college freshman who was able to hold a job throughout the fall semester and had a decent social life. I even have a boyfriend, which, to be totally and utterly honest with you, surprises me to no end.

You're probably wondering why I'm blogging about this. Well here's your answer: I am sick and tired of being weighed down with the fact that something is mentally wrong with me.  I'm not normal. Heck, normal was never an option in my life anyways. But sometimes I just passionately wish that someway, somehow, I could be normal - not for all eternity, I would be content with just one day. One afternoon, even. That's not a bad thing...is it? To wish to be someone else?

Schools Kill Creativity

I know I haven't blogged in a while. Well do not be sad little lovelies, because I haven't forgotten about you. I just am an insanely good procrastinator. Meh. I haven't figured out/decided if this "trait" is a gift or a curse. Right now, I'm thinking it's a curse that I absolutely adore. What? I'm an artist...I've always been a procrastinator. Not to say that ALL artists are procrastinators. Take Boyfriend for example. Sometimes I wonder if he's actually two people stuck in one body but then I remember that no, that's me. Sometimes. Not all the time. Well, you know what. Nevermind. Ugh.

Oh and before I forget, here's a screenshot of Boyfriend and I.

Shoosh, I know he looks retarded, but for once, I DON'T!! See! LOOK!!!

I actually look somewhat cute! This doesn't happen often!

--->[!!!]<---

-shockedandappalledbeyondallrecognition-

Yeah, so really I have no true reason to write today other than the fact that it's been quite some time since we've spoken.

HEY! I ACTUALLY WANT SOME FEEDBACK ON THIS ONE!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Even though it doesn't really matter, because I always do what I decide to do and the majority of the time outside opinion does not sway my outlook on many many things. But anyways. I'm thinking about adding the following picture as the top banner to this here blog:

What do you think?

**Click on it for a larger image.** 

You should comment and let me know your thoughts. 

It'd probably go under the title and quote thing up top. 

Mmkaythanksloveyoubye.

This is really short, but whatever. Here's a video for you to watch of some of my friends at this institution they call university. 

I feel like I should end with some witty quote or something like that. But, alas, I have nothing. Except that I think that if it's going to be insanely cold, there should at least be snow. Why? Because snow seems to be Nature's way of apologizing for being such a bipolar jerk. 

I'm K.H.P., and I approve this message.

Why? Because schools kill creativity.

Hyperactive Dasani-Fearing Aliens With A Degree Audit

Yeah, Dasani like the water bottle. Why? Because I have several bottles of water strategically placed throughout my half of the room. Why? Just in case. Just in case of what? YOU ARE SO NOSY! Gah! But that's to be expected if you're reading this. I think I spelled 'nosy' wrong but my Mac is saying that it's spelled right. N-O-S-Y just doesn't look right. Oh well. Back to Dasani.

So yeah, due to the fact that I have been having cough attacks, I have been making sure that every place in my half of the room has a water bottle within arm's reach. I kinda feel like that little girl in the movie Signs. You know, the cute little girl who is always leaving glasses of water around the house because she says it's contaminated? Yeah, her. Except I don't have an older brother who wears aluminum foil on his head. Although I wish I did. That'd be legit. But I figured I'm ready for the aliens. Not only do I have water, but I also have several heavy objects that I could beat them with. 

I really wish I had a wooden baseball bat. Never know when it would come in handy. And before you ask, yes, I definitely would carry it around with me. If you're wondering why I look paranoid, join the club. I just thought it fit better than a smile.

People keep saying that Boyfriend and I make a cute couple and eventually I will get around to putting a picture of him (and-slash-or us) on here. No promises, though. I try my hardest not to make promises that way no one has a reason to be upset with me when I don't follow through.

Anyways, Boyfriend told me that I wear him out because I'm hyperactive and bouncy and random and stuff like that. He is seven years older than me, but I didn't think that that was a big gap, especially because Mama and Daddy are twelve years apart and either Daddy is on Speed, or Mama is on...something. But they always seem to keep up with each other. Then again, Daddy's 50-something and Mama is 40-something, so I guess when you get older, the hyperactive-ness goes down. Basically, I'm insane. 

You know it's true, so don't try to argue. 

Okay so basically today has been rather annoying. I'm waiting rather impatiently for 5:00pm to roll around so that I can register for the spring semester. Boyfriend already registered because he's a sophomore. I'm hoping to take 17 hours. In case you didn't know, a full-time student takes 12-14 hours. So instead of the normal five classes, I'll be taking six, one of which I'm not really supposed to take (according to my degree audit) until my like sophomore year or something like that. But then again my degree audit said to take my history class I-forgot-what-year-but-not-my-freshman-year. 

Oh, and I'm wearing my glasses. Total nerd day? Yes.

Oh and another thing. For those of you who play World of Warcraft, you understand the following picture.

Heck yes. A new age begins. Fear me.

Zombie Cough/Spaz/Panic Attack

So far today has been epic and not really in the best way possible. Going to bed at 2-3am and waking up at 7:30 is not a good idea. I've always heard that babies need the most sleep and I beg to differ. I need more sleep than an infant. I have decided these mainly because I feel like a zombie. That's how tired I am. Like I'm so tired I'm having trouble with the illustrations. So please forgive me if they are retarded today...well, more so than normal. 

See. This is what I feel like. And yes. I have arms. This came as a shock to me too. So don't get too excited...or whatever emotion it is you people uh...yeah. I forgot where I was going with that sentence. SEE? INEEDSLEEP.

About 2 hours ago, however, this is what I was feeling like:

Dedz. Horribly, terribly, coughingly, dedz. I had a cough/spaz attack in the middle of chapel. It was really quiet and my coughing was really loud and I couldn't stop coughing and everyone was looking at me even Boyfriend who did nothing but sit there and look at me. >.> Thank you Boyfriend.

I'm not mad at him. There really was nothing that anyone could do. I actually had no clue what to do. I was panicking to the extreme. Which I suppose my little episode can now be called a cough/spaz/panic attack. Yeah. That sounds about right. 

I hate history.

Like I hate it so much, my hatred for Windows isn't even comparable to my hatred for history. I literally wanted to beat my head against a wall for hours on end until either the wall came crumbling down or until I passed out. THAT is how much I HATEHATEHATE history.

Whew. Now that I got that out of the way...no...wait.

HAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEE IT. 

Am I done now? Oh my gosh I have no clue. I'm slightly scared of myself now. 

>.>

<.<

Does anyone know where I left my invisibility cloak? I can't seem to find it...

Comedy and Paint

A couple nights ago, my boyfriend (whom I shall refer to as Boyfriend) put some Dane Cook and Mitch Hedberg on my iPod touch. I started listening to comedians at around 5:00 this afternoon. It is now about 9:00 at night and I've listened to two hours (-/+) of Dane Cook and I'm almost done with Mitch Hedberg's first CD. 

"...a severed foot is the ultimate stocking-stuffer..." -Mitch Hedberg

This is me after 4 hours of comedy. I'm starting to wonder if I need some sort of help because there is no way at all that this amount of comedy is healthy for anyone. 

Oh yeah. Yes, I drew that myself. I was reading one of the blogs that I follow (called Hyperbole and a Half, which you can go to if you click here) and I got the idea to start illustrating my blogs. But I had a dilemma. 

There was no Windows Paint for Mac. 

Yeah. This was a big problem for several reasons:

1.) even though I have Windows on my Mac, I don't like Windows.

2.) in fact, I hate Windows.

3.) but I'm torn because all my favorite computer games (Nancy Drew) are for Windows.

4.) other than that, I hate Windows.

5.) it's evil. 

6.) BUT the main reason is that there really is no other program that compares to Paint.

So I GOOGLE'D it. And I found it. And I am happy. 

This is me. Well, this is my self-portrait of myself. I have no arms and I have no legs and I have no ears and I have no nose. And I have no hair. BUT I do have a hat. My hat. My glorious wonderful hat that I love so much. Why do I love this hat so much? 

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING WITH MY HAIR UNTIL FEBRUARY! HA!

Yes, I am insanely proud of myself. 

Wait...

If I don't have any ears...then where are the iPod cords coming from in the first picture?!

I have no clue. And I have hair in this one. And color. 

BUT I STILL HAVE MY HAT! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

I've been playing Words With Friends with Boyfriend and he's beating me. Severely. 222 to 67. I'm the 67. 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Chicken Thumbs and Chia Pets

THIS WAS AN ASSIGNMENT/JOURNAL ENTRY FOR MY COMM I CLASS. THIS DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN BUT IF IT DID, I WOULD BE VERY VERY PROUD OF MYSELF.

So basically when I woke up this morning, I saw that I had managed to park my car mostly on top of someone else's car. Rather confused but also insanely proud, I began asking my buddies (whom I had been out with last night) about what had happened. This is what they told me:

I was doing pretty good, playing pool at the bar with them when a dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget walked in and gave me a turtleneck sweater. I said, "Thanks, it'll go great with my backpack," and proceeded to pull a backpack out of my pocket.

Then the dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget turned into a dinosaur-shaped chicken finger and I engaged it in a conversation about chicken thumbs and how they really must be accumulating somewhere because everyone always orders chicken fingers and no chicken thumbs. The dinosaur-shaped chicken finger Gibbs-slapped me and moon walked out of the bar.

Upon leaving the bar, I bumped into a ninja who gave me a Chia pet. He told me that he had been wandering this earth for quite some time looking for someone he could give the Chia pet to but every time he tried to give it away, the person would go on as if the ninja was invisible. I was the first person to actually bump into a ninja

I put the on the turtleneck and I put the Chia pet in the backpack, putting the backpack on.

While walking to my car, I decided that wearing a turtleneck and a backpack was like being strangled by a really weak guy so I loosened the backpack straps. After almost falling several times on the slippery ice, I got in my car just as a wombat on a toboggan zoomed past. When I got home, I realized someone had painted my house a horrid yellow and blue. 

I was so enraged that I quickly jumped out of the car, tackled the nearest train, and jumped back inside all within 5 seconds.

I've always been bad at parallel parking but didn't think it strange when the end result was my car leaning forward. When I opened the door, I fell out. I didn't think my car was that tall. And now it's morning and I'm even prouder than before now that I know the events that led up to my car being parked on top of my neighbor's car. My house is still that nasty color scheme and I have a horrible headache.  And I have a turtleneck that smells like chicken nuggets. Oh and I have a Chia pet that I have to take care of. 

FOOSH ALOT

THIS WAS AN ASSIGNMENT/JOURNAL ENTRY FOR MY COMM I CLASS. THIS DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN BUT IF IT DID, MY LIFE WOULD BE COMPLETE.

So I was driving down the road and I got a flat tire, which caused me to have to pull over and stop. Knowing that if I am late to work, my boss will not be very happy with me, I dig my phone out of my pocket and get out of the car. As I'm getting out of the car, I step on a banana peel and slip, falling on [my] out-stretched hand. I hear Mario and Luigi laughing in the distance. 

Seeing as I just FOOSH'd, I come to the conclusion that the pain in my arm is most likely a fracture. With my other hand, I try to call my boss. The annoying secretary answers. She hates me because I put a rubber band around the sprayer on the kitchen sink so that when she went to put water in the coffeepot, it sprayed all over her. She hangs up on me. I call again, this time pretending to be a potential client hoping to speak with the boss. The witch bought it. I explained my situation to my boss as a gaggle of flying fish 

pass by me and he asks if I'm high. I respond with a no and ask why he was asking me that and he said that today was my day off and that a really hip apotamus just walked in the door so he had to go. A lethally poisonous yellow-spotted lizard 

(from the book Holes) licks my fractured arm and it feels better. Alot meanders by and eats my car, regurgitating it moments later with all four tires perfectly fine. I get back behind the wheel only to discover that the steering wheel has been replaced by a donut. When I get home, my hands are sticky from the donut and my cat climbs up my leg. I then realize that I don't even have a job. I look around and wonder what that sickly sweet smell is as I wander around the house with sticky hands and a cat attached to my leg.